You’ve made it through 36 credits, dotted your i’s on your capstone. Writing intensive? Check. Upper level pairs? Check.
But a liberal arts education is not defined by bureaucratic details. To truly be a bat, there are certain things you just have to do in your four years at Transy. If you know, you know. But what if you don’t know? The Rambler is here to help.
Here are the 125 things you absolutely must do before you graduate. Seniors, better hurry if your checklist has holes. Freshman, get started now. Fly, Pios, fly!
▢ 1. Foolishly do a GE in May Term and ruin Play Term.
▢ 2. Get an overdue notice for a library book you forgot checking out back when you pledged to “read more.”
▢ 3. Do the “Liberal Arts 360” while gossiping at Third Street Stuff.
▢ 4. Have a conversation with Dr. Paden in Spanish even though you don’t speak Spanish.
▢ 5. Argue with your friends about whether or not a professor is hot.
▢ 6. Cry during sorority recruitment week (or witness someone crying).
▢ 7. Get your initials posted on YikYak.
▢ 8. Challenge Carole Barnsley to a game of pickleball.
▢ 9. Give a holiday card to a Caf staffer.
▢ 10. Carve a pumpkin for Pumpkinmania that leads a family member to say it’s a good thing you aren’t an art major.
▢ 11. Receive two noise complaints at once because your RA forgot to file the first one.
▢ 12. Go to a professor’s office hours unannounced; overshare.
▢ 13. Write a CARE report about your friend instead of telling them directly.
▢ 14. Write a CARE report on yourself just to skip the line and get a therapy appointment (pro tip!).
▢ 15. Come within inches of death crossing Broadway.
BONUS POINTS: Get hit by a car; survive.
▢ 16. Match on Tinder with a classmate and then never address it.
▢ 17. Get your ID taken at McCarthy’s.
▢ 18. Get strep throat more than three times in one year.
BONUS POINTS: You have never had strep before college.
▢ 19. Have Scott Whiddon conclude a conversation with, “Can I be honest with you right now? I loved this. This was the best part of my day.”
▢ 20. Chat with the Flat Earth activist.
▢ 21. Explain that Transylvania University is a real school. In Kentucky, not Romania.
▢ 22. Throw up at a frat party but like in a really cool nonchalant chill way.
▢ 23. Throw up at a frat party but it’s really bad and a brother has to drive you back to your dorm.
▢ 24. See your professor at a bar and play it cool.
▢ 25. Eat fresh bread baked by Kurt Gohde.
▢ 26. Gently place a DPS parking ticket in the trash and give it over to God.
▢ 27. Slip into the elevator with randoms clearly in the middle of a heated conversation because you left your key in your room.
▢ 28. Have sex in a chapter room.
▢ 29. Cut in line at SAB’s Brinner.
▢ 30. Receive an email reply from Maurice Manning.
▢ 31. Get blacklisted from a frat.
BONUS POINTS: Get blacklisted from a sorority.
▢ 32. Say you’ll never date another Transy person. Date another Transy person.
▢ 33. Speak with Kerri Hauman about a problem and immediately feel a warm balm of relief.
(Kerri Hauman is mother. So mother.)
▢ 34. Have a friend drive you to get tested for an STD.
▢ 35. Be serenaded with “Happy Birthday” by Ms. Beth.
▢ 36. Go to a darty instead of Zoom classes on a snow day.
▢ 37. Steal someone’s Crimmy.
▢ 38. Visit the Monroe Moosnick Medical and Science Museum in BSC (where Ozzy Osborne once filmed for his reality show), and see a 14-inch hair ball given to the university by Abraham Lincoln’s brother-in-law.
▢ 39. Regret last night.
▢ 40. Shuffle between the baseball team’s tables at Caf to put your dishes away.
▢ 41. Experience Hazelrigg.
▢ 42. Lose it all at Keeneland.
▢ 42(0). DoorDash four Jimmy John’s subs high and forget about them until the next morning.
▢ 43. Have a love affair at Transy, get fired for your misbehavior, go mad, fall into obscurity and poverty, die alone, get buried in a potter’s
field, have some portion of your remains dug up a century later, mix said remains with a young girl child’s shoulder, and live out
eternity as a stop on Transy’s campus tour. It’s not too late.
▢ 44. Shoot filthy looks towards your friend’s horrible ex when you have a class together.
▢ 45. Hit your head walking into the Phi Tau basement.
BONUS POINTS: Fall going down their “macbook wide” stairs.
▢ 46. Twerk in the general vicinity of a professor during Pride.
▢ 47. Roll your eyes at “performative male” behavior.
▢ 48. Lowkey wish you were wearing Olivia Fleming’s outfit.
▢ 49. Grow a mustache?
▢ 50. Witness Eva Csuhai dissecting the failings of men, including her ex-husband (“the coffee cup does not walk its way to the sink and wash itself”).
▢ 51. Survive Pizzapocalypse.
▢ 52. Wait in line at Gratz only to hear, “sorry, the machine is broken.”
▢ 53. Join three or more clubs’ GroupMe chats, never attend a meeting.
▢ 54. Change your major AT LEAST once.
BONUS POINTS: You change it after taking the first prerequisite.
▢ 55. Dance with the performers at the Transy Drag Show.
▢ 56. Take Kremena Todorova’s Writing for Writing’s Sake May Term class and become obsessed with going to Kenwick Table, hoping you
run into her.
▢ 57. Struggle to print.
▢ 58. Attend an Orientation event hungover.
▢ 59. Make a Freshman Year Friend Group that ultimately falls apart.
▢ 60. Go see a band at The Burl, tell everyone that it’s your new spot, never go back.
▢ 61. Steal just a little bit of toothpaste from your roommate, because you ran out.
▢ 62. Suddenly notice whoever’s on aux in Caf is feeling emo today.
▢ 63. “Sniff test” a piece of clothing before running to class late.
▢ 64. Get an alert that your account balance is in the red after your Spring Break trip.
BONUS POINTS: Happens during your Spring Break trip.
▢ 65. Endure a middle-of-the-night fire alarm.
▢ 66. Discover you can swap coleslaw for an extra Texas Toast on your Canes order.
▢ 67. Meet Olive, Ellen Furlong’s dog.
▢ 68. Have your car get broken into in the Bourbon lot.
▢ 69. Bang on your ceiling to tell your upstairs neighbors to quit fucking so loud.
▢ 70. Pie a Phi, Chi, Tri, or Pi, or get pied.
▢ 71. Manically refresh your email in the hopes they’ll call a Snow Day (they won’t).
▢ 72. Pay off the ref in an intramural basketball game.
▢ 73. Watch people flirt on the Transy Discord before you’ve even started Orientation.
▢ 74. Get lost in Old Morrison. As a senior.
▢ 75. Light all manner of illicit candles in your dorm.
▢ 76. Make a shot book page even though you have no idea what a shot book is.
▢ 77. Trash talk Centre.
▢ 78. Buy beer with your Transy refund check.
▢ 79. Get called “baby” by Miss Cass in Caf <3.
▢ 80. Cut or dye your hair in the dorms.
BONUS POINTS: You’re a girl doing the Canon Event Big Chop.
▢ 81. Fuck up a chem lab so bad you cry.
▢ 82. Bask in the sun on Alumni Plaza on a spring day and do nothing at all.
▢ 83. Submit multiple papers at 11:59.
▢ 84. Walk out of the campus center into back circle to see children in speedos doing high knees and crabwalks.
▢ 85. Give yourself a hickey and convince your friend it’s from someone else.
▢ 86. Sit awkwardly and feel old while a campus tour walks by.
▢ 87. “Shut up, Frank!”
▢ 88. Watch someone do the walk of shame through Back Circle.
BONUS POINTS: It’s you.
▢ 89. Find your laundry littered about the laundry room because they were in the dryer for five minutes.
▢ 90. Investigate the mysterious Pooletergeist glow in Poole Residence Center.
▢ 91. Take the long way to avoid eye contact with someone you’re beefing with.
▢ 92. Harbor a stray in your dorm without getting it ESA certified.
▢ 93. Cook carrots five different ways or track your food intake for a week for Health and Wellness.
▢ 94. Open the UK transfer portal
▢ 95. Find your professor’s Facebook or Instagram.
▢ 96. Attend a lacrosse game and wonder why the hell they are playing behind the goal.
▢ 97. Instead of going to therapy, write about it for your Creative Nonfiction class.
▢ 98. Get recruited for a sports team and quit, becoming a NARP by junior year.
▢ 99. Bust ass on ice.
▢ 100. Pick up a package in the mailroom and realize you requested the wrong work study.
▢ 101. Carve someone else’s initials into the wooden desks in the stacks.
▢ 102. Catch yourself singing “a pirate’s life for me” when you score a textbook on LibGen or Anna’s Archive.
▢ 103. Wear pajamas during finals to signal to everyone how stressed you are.
▢ 104. Call DPS to let you into your dorm.
BONUS POINTS: Ask them to unclog your toilet.
▢ 105. Have a good cry early on in Winter Semester
▢ 106. Go back home for dinner.
▢ 107. Get invited to a professor’s book club.
▢ 108. Wake up to your roommate vomiting into a trash can while sitting on the commode.
▢ 109. Nab hella food from the student pantry.
▢ 110. Pull an all-nighter in the MFA DArt Lab.
▢ 111. Use the same water bottle for an entire year without cleaning it.
▢ 112. Play sand volleyball until it’s dark.
▢ 113. Do the macarena with President Brien Lewis. (If you can keep up.) (You can’t keep up.)
▢ 114. Grow apart, not on purpose, from your high school friends.
▢ 115. Screenshot your professor’s Zoom class and post the image on YikYak.
▢ 116. Comfort your pre-med friend, sobbing, considering no-med.
▢ 117. Do each of the following at least once: Lexington Legends game, karaoke at Night Kitty, pool at the Green Lantern, ICB at Molly Brooke’s, get a Big Blue Weiner on Main.
▢ 118. Stay in Shearer past midnight.
BONUS POINTS: You have no artistic instincts but will finish that pottery or die trying.
▢ 119. Go to CRU’s midnight pancakes because you haven’t found God yet but are very hungry.
▢ 120. Hide your face so no one will see you’re tearing up at the chorus concert.
▢ 121. Make bingo cards about your professors’ sayings and habits and have your classmates fill them out live during class.
▢ 122. Fall in love by complete accident.
▢ 123. Meet one of Zoe Strecker’s chickens.
▢ 124. Write your last college paper.
▢ 125. Realize you lost the coin given during Orientation.
