If you happened to walk through the Campus Center at the right time Thursday, October 3rd, you may have passed a table. This table may have been brandishing a sign that claimed the person sitting at said table was giving out “Free Stickers.” Students may be skeptical of this, as we know the old saying for when something seems “too good to be true;” and stickers are awfully good things to college students for them to be free. The question is: can this sticker-entrepreneur be trusted?
The answer: No.
A figure of evil and malice is being spread around campus. That’s right, these stickers being handed out are of only one thing: Shimmy. “What on Earth is a ‘Shimmy,’” you may be wondering. The simple answer is that Shimmy is a character created by Casey Casey, a known entity on campus and the host of this sticker table. Shimmy is a thing that has taken flight in recent months around the Transylvania University campus and specifically the art-student community. Stickers of Shimmy crying litter the hallways, scenes of him being crushed by anvils and thrown off cliffs fill whiteboards, and his image brandishes every surface the miscreants who dare to draw him may frequent.
Students and staff are scared and concerned. WRC professor Scott Whiddon explained to our reporters that he often sees the vial thing drawn on the whiteboards of the Cowgill basement where he has class. He told us that “I find Shimmy highly disturbing. I am robbed of words given fear.”
What does this Shimmy sticker table mean for the Transy community’s safety? Sadly, only time will tell. Those who requested stickers by Casey may use their Shimmy’s for fun and joy, but they hold the power in their hands to spread his image in the name of violence. If you are one of the individuals who claimed a hand-made Shimmy sticker for yourself from the table, please be responsible with your new possession and how you use it- we’re counting on you.
Shimmy has been characterized as “pitiful” and “miserable;” do we really want this thing to spread its misery to our students? Are we in danger?! Currently, nothing is being done about this new crazed character, though it may be too late. How long is it before the entire campus is overflowing with Shimmy’s?
Comment your opinion on the subject and spread the news to your friends to keep them safe.
Disclaimer: This article exaggerates and jokes on the subject and was approved by Casey Casey. Do not take this too seriously. Thank you.
