Saturday, May 10, 2025
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GALLERY: Chili Cook-off Brings the Heat!

Saturday, October 26th, Kappa Alpha Order and Delta Sigma Phi held their Chili Cook-off event once again, and with great success. Proceeds taken from the entrance fees are put towards The Independence Fund and The Nest Lexington, two local causes the fraternities often support.

Judged by Dean Covert, Michelle Thompson, and President Lewis, each team was ranked on a 1-10 scale (10 as the highest score) in different categories such as taste, texture/temp, presentation, originality, and the overall score being ranked out of 40 points total. There were four winners, the overall winner being the “Texas Chicken Chili” team. Each winning group received mini trophies to take home and place in the “Chili Competition Trophy Case” I assume they all own.

According to Sean Gannon, participant, winner, and member of Delta Sigma Phi, “We had more teams than last time, and more people took it seriously. Some people used cool ingredients like brisket meat, homemade sauces, and spice (compared to last year).”

A Letter to those who Ramble – From your Editor in Chief

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A letter to those who ramble,

A few days ago, I wrote up a silly Letter from the Editor in a few minutes that I thought was funny and didn’t really mean much. It was fun and light and everyone agreed it worked because this shouldn’t feel like something heavy or boring, nor should it drone on for paragraph after paragraph about stuff no one cares to read. That being said, I was working on a project for the Rambler tonight and a random thought struck me; Where would I be if I had never joined the Rambler?

I guess I should start this off with a little introduction for those who don’t know me. I’m Katie Axon, the new Editor in Chief of the Rambler since last April; previously the Print Lead. I’m a junior and a Digital Arts and Media major and this may sound dramatic but the Rambler is kinda my life (loser…). I’m sure that sounds silly to those of you who may not know me or what all I’ve done surrounding the Rambler since my Freshman year, but sitting in the Cowgill basement at 11:48pm just now, I realized that this newspaper has paved a lot of paths for me. 

To put it simply without making this too lengthy or sharing too much nonsense about myself, the Rambler helped me find my place and ignite my spark. That’s a bit cheesy, I know, but it’s the best way I can think to put it. This school newspaper has set me up for all the things I consider my current successes and revived my passion for creating. I am full of inspiration and motivation that I lacked before the Rambler fell before me and has allowed me to expand into a much more efficient and creative version of myself I can really be proud of. 

I got into making videos because of the Rambler’s Instagram takeover in November 2023, leading to me creating an award-winning short film and maybe even following that path in my future. I’ve learned so much about design, experimenting with my passions by creating the print copies last year and designing merch, posters, and website stuff. Which, again, could be a path I follow in my future. I’ve learned so much about leadership and being the “boss” of something while organizing stuff and communicating with the people in Old Mo and putting everything together, along with creating connections to people all over campus like President Brien Lewis. I met Nate Brother!… And like Brenna and Lyra and other people too but come on Nate Brother is the GOAT. I may never have connected with so many people without this club. Plus, it was one of the first ways my now-partner Casey and I really interacted. That could have been different or never happened without our interactions at newspaper meetings.

Reviving a dying medium/decaying club on your university’s campus is no easy feat, but I have nothing but feelings of pride and excitement when I think about all I’ve done so far (emphasis on so far). I hope that all the work the Rambler team puts out there brings everyone just as much excitement and joy, and that this silly little club flourishes even when I’m long gone. It’s been 109 years of news so far and I refuse to let that die. 

Stay tuned for many more creative endeavors from the Rambler in the near future, and support us by grabbing a print copy, reading the articles on our website, and telling your friends to do the same. Or support us by writing an article, making a podcast, designing a poster, or like… I don’t know… joining the Rambler?! But even if you can’t “join,” articles can be submitted by any student and ideas are always welcome! Reach out to me (keaxon26@transy.edu) if you have questions, ideas, or just wanna chat about the newspaper! LONG LIVE THE RAMBLER. PRINT IS NOT DEAD (not on my watch).

Your Beloved “Editor-in-Chimp,”

Katie Axon


BONUS (the original nonsense Letter from the Editor)

Dear Rambler’s,

Since I joined the Rambler, Fetty Wap has been my inspiration. The moment I first heard the words “seventeen thirty-eight” I knew what I had to do. He once told me, “Youthful Zeal, Lifelong Wisdom” which really stuck with me. Now I’ve got the soda. 

It all started on March 19th. That’s when Marge Simpson was born. Then, years later on that same fateful day I was born. Marge once said “Well, I have some tic-tacs in my purse” which was crazy! She’s sooo crazy. I was like her once, full of joy and tic-tacs. Now, I’m on top of the world and also the Rambler! Oh yeah the Rambler. 

Once upon a time I joined the school newspaper. I left the first meeting thinking “eh, it’s alright I guess,” and then immediately got struck by lightning. Now I know the truth: the Rambler is the best club ever and I have to make it even better. It is my life’s goal to spread the news through print copies and other various newspaper media. 

Okay no but forreal, Rambler is back and better than it’s ever been and I’m so excited to watch us evolve even further. Keep an eye out for our new ramblings all year…

#RambleOn #PrintsNotDead

Your Editor in Chimp, 

Katherine Elizabeth Axon 

O’ Ketchup! My Ketchup!

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Replaced, by the week.

Ketchup, my love, stay with me.

Do not be taken away.

The caf, the ketchup.

Bright metal, standing proudly.

A flavor obelisk.

No longer hoarded.

No longer empty, all day.

No longer, I cry.

Ketchup, joy to all.

Never empty, always fixed.

Just a press away.

Black granite, white wall.

Frames it perfectly, ketchup.

The best part of caf.

The Moors: A “Femininomenon” Enchants Little Theater in Latest Production

I’m ashamed to admit that before last night, I had never stepped foot into Transylvania’s Lucille Little Theater. Upon my inaugural entrance, I was greeted by a lovely crew of student workers and ushered to my seat towards the front of the spacious black box theater. Soon, a hush took over the music of Chappell Roan and the house lights dwindled as the cast took their places on the stage platform adorning a candle-lit Victorian Gothic dwelling.

This fall, the Transylvania Theater Program presents The Moors by Jen Silverman, directed by theater program director Tosha Fowler. The 19th-century pastiche follows the lives of polar opposite sisters Agatha and Huldey, played by Sophia Ricketts ‘25 and Lily Jasper ‘27 respectively. As they attempt to make sense of their shaken-up lives in the barren, unforgiving moors of England, the arrival of Emilie, the governess (played by Mary Clark ‘25), completely shifts the rigid order of their household. Marjory, the maid, brought to us by Samantha Farr ‘26, takes this opportunity to orchestrate some trickery of her own. Meanwhile, the family’s dog, a large Mastiff played by Kiah Oney ‘27, can’t find what he’s looking for in the home and frequently visits with a Moor-Hen (Macie Moore ‘26) that he takes an obsessive liking to. 

The dark comedy presents the audience with endless laughs, as well as some enchanting vocal performances from Jasper and Clark. However charming these moments may have been, though, they were subtly tainted by a haunting air that kept me on the edge of my seat. From the moment the show begins, it’s clear that something isn’t quite right, and the surreal nature of The Moors lasts until the final moment of the show. The cast does a phenomenal job balancing humor and horror as they present the audience with hard-hitting questions about growth, identity, romance, sexuality, femininity, and much more.
Don’t make the same mistake as me and miss out on another Transy Theater production. You can, and should, watch The Moors in Lucille Little Theater tomorrow at 7:30 pm or catch the Sunday show at 5:00 pm. Note the content warnings for violence, blood and gore, sexual content, strobe lights and fog, and a splash warning for those in the first two rows.

Preview video of “The Moors” by Katie Axon

GALLERY: Lighting up Campus with the Asian Student Alliance’s Lantern Festival

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On October 18th, the Asian Student Alliance hosted a Lantern Festival event outside the campus center. Inspired by the Japanese Tsukimi festival, the event served as a way to provide both an educational experience and to have a fun and engaging activity for students to enjoy, along with snacks and drinks. Photographed by Katie Axon, the event was a success and brought many students together through the cute crafts and learning experience!

20th Century Catch Up: Bond 1

Co-written by Samuel F. Schultz and Dylan J. Howell

Bond Film 1: Dr. No (1962)

a collaborative movie review

Viewed:

as part of the Bond Blu-Ray collection from Wal-Mart

Where to Watch:

Check your local library for DVD copies or rent online from Amazon Prime or Apple TV

Motion Picture Association rating: PG

Overview (Sam)

Neither of our parents were born yet, JFK was president, and Churchill was still alive. 1962 saw the momentous release of the genre defining Dr. No, in which James Bond stops some german-chinese guy with robot hands from blowing up the moon or something. James Bond first existed in a series of novels by Ian Fleming based on his cousin’s exploits as a spy in World War II, but due to the film adaptations’ superior notoriety, most know Bond as a movie character.

Even though Dr. No was not the first Bond novel written, it was chosen as the first film adaptation due to the relatively low budget required to produce it (it could mostly be filmed in one place). Other novels’ legal rights were also tied up in existing contracts or negotiations. Despite adapting a later book, Dr. No is a fantastic introduction to the film version of James Bond. Immediately suave and innately badass, Sean Connery’s portrayal of the superspy commands respect and admiration. As time goes on, his character morphs under the direction of various filmmakers and he is depicted by different actors, but in Dr. No he’s about as James Bond as you can get.

Sam’s part:

I’ve seen the first six Bond films, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen Dr. No. I had forgotten how damn good it is as a standalone movie, adventurous and pulpy while eschewing campiness. From his very first line, Bond is, like, the coolest guy ever, but he’s still human.

Bond gets beaten and battered. His knuckles raw from fighting, by the end of the movie he’s covered in his own and other’s blood. While he does a lot of real espionage, constantly monitoring every room for bugs and clocking points of ingress and egress, he doesn’t feel as untouchable as he does in later movies. Even the final battle against the titular evil Dr. No is anticlimactic. Bond scrambles for his life and barely avoids being boiled alive in a nuclear pool. No’s mechanical hands, which once demonstrated his biological superiority over common man, become his demise, unable to grip the lifesaving ladder his enemy escapes on.

Dr. No is the essence of Bond. You gotta see it.

P.S. James Bond’s title credits are some of the most impressive special effects you’ll find from their release window. One of my favorite websites recently has been Art of the Title, which delves into the nitty gritty of the oft-overlooked title card. Here’s Dr. No’s page: https://www.artofthetitle.com/title/dr-no/

Dylan’s part:

My experience with James Bond prior to opening this bottle of Catch-Up was mostly inspired by Bond or Paul McCartney’s Bond theme, Live and Let Die. Having my first experience with 007 being the first film was more surprising than I expected. I know the pop culture pillar that has become James Bond in the 69 years since Ian Fleming published CasinoRoyale, which has Bond as a womanizing, risk-taking, badass action hero who can never die and can’t bleed. While most of those attributes are still present in Connery’s first mission, they have yet to be flanderized into the character that Sterling Archer and Austin Powers parody. Bond in Dr. No is simply a secret agent; after all, his status is 007, meaning that there are six agents in MI6 who are better and more capable than James Bond. Throughout the film, we see Bond use espionage tactics or simple, clever things that show just how smart he is and that he deserves to be a part of MI6 at all. The start of the Film with Bonds’ interaction with the director of MI6 shows Bond as not being viewed highly in the organization and that he is stuck in his ways, not wanting to progress as the rest of the organization does. Bond is more of an everyman in Dr. No than the mythic hero of the film that he will become. Dr. No is an enjoyable surface-level film that doesn’t need anything underneath. It’s a simple and fun spy thriller with the iconic Bond flare—7 bottles of Ketchup out of 10.

20th Century Catch Up WEEK 0: THE BIG LEBOWSKI

Co-written by Samuel F. Schultz and Dylan J. Howell

How many movies are in your streaming queue? How many “classics” sit unwatched on your shelf? It’s literally impossible to watch every movie ever made, so which are even worth your time?

Dylan and I have “to watch” lists a proverbial mile long, and we decided it’s high time we do something about it: sit on our collective asses and melt into the couch. We’ll be doing our damnedest to catch up on the hundreds of movies we missed from the century before we were born, watching one movie a week representing each year from Taft to Y2K and posting reviews on the Rambler’s website.

We also have side missions: One Bond movie a month and a special Relished Films category to pick familiar favorites outside of the chronology. New movies that interest us may also be added to the mix, helping us stay “hip” to the “current scene.” Expect reviews of Catch-Up films and Bond movies regularly, but don’t hold your breath waiting for the others.

Butter that popcorn and pull up a chair as we step out of the Matrix and take A Trip to the Moon.

Catch Up Film 0: The Big Lebowski (1998)

Viewed:

As part of the Kentucky Theatre’s Summer Classics series on Wednesday, September 4th

Where to watch:

Free with Amazon Prime or rent from Apple TV

Motion Picture Association rating: R

Pervasive strong language, drug content, sexuality, brief violence

Overview (Sam)

Where better to start than the end? At the outset of our foray into twentieth-century film, The Big Lebowski (1998) acts both as an extended allusion to the classic noir/crime film The Big Sleep (1946) and a perfect reflection on the end of the twentieth century. Set in a reconstructed 1991 Los Angeles, with the Gulf War as an allegorical backdrop, Jeffrey Lebowski, known as The Dude, is a man perfect for his time. In a decade of seeming moral relativism, everyone is prescribed an ethos except for The Dude, whose particularism clashes with the stark generalism of many around him. After his rug is micturated upon by an intruder in a case of mistaken identity, The Dude is plunged into the quagmire of an ever-more-complicated kidnapping plot as he gets further and further from his original goal: to get his rug back.

(After this week, we are going back to the 1900s. Trust the process.)

Sam’s part:

My favorite aspect of The Big Lebowski is its point of view: throughout the film, we only see things from The Dude’s perspective. As he’s inundated with stances and judgments, The Dude can hardly get a word in edgewise. Only in a moment of post-coital clarity is the veil lifted and we, along with The Dude, are granted some understanding – new shit comes to light. This, of course, is a subversion of the classic noir style where the detective silently stalks through the story gathering information and playing enemies against each other. In The Big Lebowski, The Dude is totally oblivious to most of the goings on around him, yet is still seen by some characters as a talented sleuth.

This idea of mistaken identity is more than one isolated narrative instance. The Dude is not even the titular “Big Lebowski,” but in fact little more than a bum in the grand scheme of the supporting casts’ lives. That is, except for his two best friends, Walter (John Goodman) and Donny (Steve Buscemi), who act as the angels on his shoulders throughout the film. Donny’s role is comically underplayed while Walter, a manic, rule-obsessed veteran, is the driving force behind The Dude’s decision to step out of passive “Duddhism” and try to get his rug back in the first place. Even still, as he is routinely threatened with bodily harm, drugged, and generally derided, The Dude remains passive. He has little to no control over what happens to him, but in the end, he doesn’t really mind. He’s content to simply abide.

If you are philosophically and/or analytically inclined, I highly recommend checking out The Big Lebowski and Philosophy, a collection of essays edited by our very own Dr. Peter S Fosl which can be found in Transylvania University’s library and in many fine book retailers.

Endlessly quotable and visually stunning, The Big Lebowski is a must-watch. This was my third viewing and it gets better every time.

Dylan’s part:

There comes a time once a decade or even once a century in which a film is needed. A film that ties all those years together. Seemingly without trying, The Big Lebowski defines the 90s, if not the 20th century, entirely. That’s partially why we are beginning our venture into cinema over one of the most technologically progressive and culturally diverse centuries in human history with the film. The Big Lebowski shows how much Ethan and Joel Coen make films for themselves more than anyone else. The attention to detail is fascinating in how they can pay attention to seemingly every movement and object within a single frame of their films. The character work is some of the best I’ve seen in film, with John Goodman, who plays Walter, saying it’s his favorite role. Walter’s moment of vulnerability near the end of the film demonstrates the Coen brothers’ exceptional use of repetition. The character of Donnie is one of the most interesting to me. He is ignored for most of the film and only interacts with Walter, besides one scene with The Dude. But The Dude certainly has a place in the canon of popular culture. I would argue this film is an homage to several genres that defined the twentieth century: noir, adventure, buddy-cop, and a few more, all of them blending together to make a film plot that you have to just abide by. It ends by comforting the viewer by showing that no matter who steals your rug, you can always go bowling. – 9.5 bottles of Ketchup

Colloquium: An Interview with Professor John Svarlien

In Lumine illo Tradimus Lumen. These Latin words hang above everyone here on Transy. It means, “In That Light, We Pass On the Light.” If any professor exemplifies that expression, it is Professor John Svarlien. I was graciously granted an audience with Svarlien for an interview where he answered questions about himself, questions from students, the future of the Classics and Latin departments, and more in this exclusive interview:

Grant: Many people wonder when exactly you are retiring. Is there any particular reason why?

Svarlien: Okay, well, the first answer is pretty straightforward. This is my last academic year, and the last class will be Latin II in the winter term. And why am I retiring? There is a right time for everything, and I’ve been teaching for at least 40 years, so there are several reasons for retiring. There are so many young faculty out there in the job market, and old faculty make room for young faculty.

Grant: What brought you to Transylvania University in the first place?

Svarlien: I came to Kentucky as a graduate student from the University of Texas at Austin, and while I was finishing up my dissertation, I had just received a job offer from Centre College and ended up staying for six years, but the reason I came to Transylvania was because it was an excellent opportunity for me. It was being able to start a Classics program; there wasn’t any Latin when I first joined. So it started off with adding Latin and teaching first-year seminar courses, and then I gradually built up other classes in addition to Latin, like ancient history taught by Frank Russell, and brought in more faculty like Professor Kaufman, teaching ancient philosophy. It’s been very much a team effort, and my colleagues have been wonderful.

Grant: Some of the students are asking if you are going to remain in touch with students on campus. What do you have to say about that?

Svarlien: Oh, I definitely want to remain in touch, I mean this when I say it but the greatest thing about my job is the students. That is, getting to know them, having face-to-face conversations, learning about them, having discussions about what is being taught in class, and they find it interesting to them, which is a great joy to have, and I am going to miss that experience. I will miss the classroom and the dynamics between presentation and debate; it is very stimulating to me and hopefully to the students as well. I don’t think I’ll be doing any more teaching but I will certainly not be absent from campus.

Grant: What are your hopes for the Latin and Classics department and the next professor to take up your mantle?

Svarlien: Well, the next professor we will hire at the end of this year will be teaching next fall, and will be a Latinist and will be teaching Latin along with other courses I have taught, but also different specialties. That person might teach gender and sexuality which I taught, they might teach history or philosophy. The great thing about classics is that it is so multi-faceted, and multi-disciplinary. So what I am most excited about is Medical Humanities, building up that program with Kaufman and Belina Sly and others from different programs like biology and classics. I think that it’s exciting to not just do one thing in classics like read ancient poetry, but to see all the connections and tie that all together in contemporary culture. I’m totally confident in leaving, the program is in very good hands and I will enjoy watching that grow in new directions.

Grant: How do you feel about the current state of affairs on campus? What would you like to see changed?

Svarlien: I’d like to see the student population grow. It’s difficult, and there are all kinds of reasons why that’s complicated, but it would be nice to get a slightly larger student population, and it would be nice to have more in-state and out-of-state students with different backgrounds. I have always been a strong advocate for campus culture, and that could be gathering outside for debates or programming in the arts and [bringing in] public speakers. I just think that’s important for the undergraduate experience, just as much as what is going on in the classroom. I think we have a strong student community here, and that’s one of the central points of a good college is to have that student culture and interact. I want students and faculty to interact more outside of classrooms.

Grant: What are your plans for retirement? Any vacation destinations in mind?

Svarlien: Well, the great thing about being a classicist is that there is always a reason to go to the Mediterranean. This last summer, my wife and I were in Greece, one of the many trips we have made, and then this coming summer, we are planning to go to France. Travel has always been an important part of my life, and I really push that for students. Everybody is different, but travel is a great learning experience because when you travel to a new country, you experience something new all the time. When you are an undergraduate or before you get into a professional school or when you have less time, you have less time to explore. This is a great time to do things like travel if you can do it. 

My two kids went into a program in Spain called the Auxiliares (Auxiliares de Conversación), where they taught in public schools at the elementary level. You don’t have to speak Spanish or have any other special qualifications; it’s just when the window is open for applications in January, you just need to get your application in as soon as possible. You get a nice stipend to teach, and the schedule is easy to work with, my children loved it, and my son came back with money in his pocket. I had that experience as an undergraduate, and it meant so much to me, and so I enthusiastically encourage students to travel if they can.

Grant: Is there any advice you would like to give readers? It doesn’t have to involve Latin or academics; it could be life advice.

Svarlien: Get the most out of life. It is a simple thing to say, but one thing is that you have to be deliberate about it. You have to seek it out; don’t be passive, but be active in how you live life. Learn to know yourself; that is one thing these four years are for is getting to know who you are, what your interests are, and what you really enjoy doing. Find a job that you are engaged with, affirm your fulfillment with it, and do not settle for anything less! If you are in a job you hate, then I can’t think of a worse recipe for a good life or a happy one. Decide in your mind what a good life is to you and pursue it with energy and purpose.

Into the Unknown: Over the Garden Wall Celebrates Its 10th Anniversary With New Animated Short

On September 22nd, Patrick McHale, creator of Over the Garden Wall, announced via his Twitter/X account that the show would be releasing a new short film for its tenth anniversary. The tweet stated that the short would be produced by Cartoon Network and animated by Aardman Animations, well-known for their previous work on the Wallace & Gromit franchise.

Over the Garden Wall was originally pitched in 2006 as a multi-season series called Tome of the Unknown, a tale of two brothers who mistakenly enter a deal with the devil and are forced to travel across a forgotten land to rescue a book of stories. However, after becoming involved in The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack and Adventure Time, McHale realized the series would have been too difficult to produce as-written and was forced to abandon the show’s multi-season format. When asked for another pitch in 2013, McHale revised Tome of the Unknown as a pilot episode for a miniseries named Over the Garden Wall. Cartoon Network greenlit the pilot and production began that year.

Over the Garden Wall was released in 2014 shortly after Halloween as a ten-episode miniseries depicting the journey of Wirt (Elijah Wood) and Greg (Collin Dean), two brothers who find themselves lost in the Unknown, a dark forest filled with long-forgotten stories. The brothers meet a bluebird named Beatrice (Melanie Lynskey) and try to escape the Unknown together, all the while avoiding the mysterious Beast. The plot has been likened by reviewers to Dante’s The Inferno; something about the unknowable journey through a land whose existence is so thoroughly incompatible with yours. Walking alongside shadows of the damned; a journey through Purgatory, through Hell.

Which isn’t to say that the series isn’t a fun watch. Over the Garden Wall is surprisingly funny and does an excellent job at balancing humor alongside the macabre, spending just as much time on Wirt’s awkward teenage love life and Greg’s silly attempts at naming his frog as it does the open graves of Pottsfield and the burning of Edelwood trees. Artistically speaking, Over the Garden Wall is stunning. McHale took visual inspiration from many sources, including vintage Halloween postcards and photographs of New England foliage, resulting in gorgeous, colorful painted backdrops and rustic, Americana-esque settings. Combined with the soundtrack (composed by The Blasting Company and inspired by early-1900s folk music) this show is perfect for a fun, if slightly morbid, Halloween marathon.

Over the Garden Wall was successful, winning two Emmys for animation and becoming somewhat of a cult classic since its release. Unfortunately, the series’ short run and open ending meant that fans would never know more about the story or the characters beyond what they saw on-screen. Over the Garden Wall has always been a singular, self-contained story, which is why McHale’s announcement of a new animated short is such big news. It’s still unclear as to what the plot of this short will be, but honestly, this has been anticipated for so long that it doesn’t really matter. People are already speculating about the stories it may tell or the truths it may uncover, wondering and waiting for an opportunity to open this tome of mysteries once again and return to the Unknown after so many years.

Over the Garden Wall’s new animated short will premiere on November 3rd on Cartoon Network’s YouTube channel and social media accounts.

To Shimmy or Not to Shimmy: a Danger to Campus?

If you happened to walk through the Campus Center at the right time Thursday, October 3rd, you may have passed a table. This table may have been brandishing a sign that claimed the person sitting at said table was giving out “Free Stickers.” Students may be skeptical of this, as we know the old saying for when something seems “too good to be true;” and stickers are awfully good things to college students for them to be free. The question is: can this sticker-entrepreneur be trusted? 

The answer: No. 

Shimmy creator Casey Casey hand-making stickers in the Campus Center Breezeway

A figure of evil and malice is being spread around campus. That’s right, these stickers being handed out are of only one thing: Shimmy. “What on Earth is a ‘Shimmy,’” you may be wondering. The simple answer is that Shimmy is a character created by Casey Casey, a known entity on campus and the host of this sticker table. Shimmy is a thing that has taken flight in recent months around the Transylvania University campus and specifically the art-student community. Stickers of Shimmy crying litter the hallways, scenes of him being crushed by anvils and thrown off cliffs fill whiteboards, and his image brandishes every surface the miscreants who dare to draw him may frequent. 

Students and staff are scared and concerned. WRC professor Scott Whiddon explained to our reporters that he often sees the vial thing drawn on the whiteboards of the Cowgill basement where he has class. He told us that “I find Shimmy highly disturbing. I am robbed of words given fear.”

Drawing of Shimmy spotted in the Cowgill basement

What does this Shimmy sticker table mean for the Transy community’s safety? Sadly, only time will tell. Those who requested stickers by Casey may use their Shimmy’s for fun and joy, but they hold the power in their hands to spread his image in the name of violence. If you are one of the individuals who claimed a hand-made Shimmy sticker for yourself from the table, please be responsible with your new possession and how you use it- we’re counting on you.

Shimmy has been characterized as “pitiful” and “miserable;” do we really want this thing to spread its misery to our students? Are we in danger?! Currently, nothing is being done about this new crazed character, though it may be too late. How long is it before the entire campus is overflowing with Shimmy’s?

Comment your opinion on the subject and spread the news to your friends to keep them safe.

Disclaimer: This article exaggerates and jokes on the subject and was approved by Casey Casey. Do not take this too seriously. Thank you.

Weather

Lexington
clear sky
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67 %
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70 °
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71 °
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69 °